* More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I
can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can
tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when
I was younger.
* The letters T and G are very close to each other on a
keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I
will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it
wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would
magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we
all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
* There is a great need for sarcasm font.
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying
to finish a text.
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing
else to say".
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a
Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street
smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the person died.
* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in
the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.
* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of
* Bad decisions make good stories
* If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their
offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
* Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has
to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so
incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this
shouldn't be a problem....
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing
anything productive for the rest of the day.
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I
don't want to have to restart my collection.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you
are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that
I swear I did not make any changes to.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes
to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then
not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on
shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
* As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know
not to answer when they call.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their
car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
* It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com
and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
* I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone
they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday
or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
* The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the
bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other
words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat a** before dinner.